#14

I have something in my mind today, so let's talk about it.

Confused.
Some people tend to not understand what am I saying or explaining to them. Even if I already repeating my words few times! I feel bad. Really bad. When people can't understand my explanation. -_-

I have the tendency of constructing my words in my head in such a way that I thought it would be easier for others to understand it. Thus, I felt real bad when people don't get it.

I know I couldn't make all people understand mine because we are all unique in our own ways.

I tend to be in silence mode when i feel bad nowadays. I will keep my mouth shut. Better than I said something that might hurt others, especially the ones I love.

Thus, if u caught me being silence out of blue, just be there & don't bother me until I get over my bad feeling. It will took me for a while, but all will be good after that insyaaallah.
It is just a part of my new habit.
Hope u don't mind it.
Sorry & thanks.

Fi hifzillah & take care :)

#13 Throwback

I wrote this on Sabtu, 9/1/16...cant remember what has happened back in that day till i wrote this in my email.

I lost myself again today.

Just 9days of 2016, I think I lost myself.

What a bad day for me..

Idk how to express myself, my frustration..I felt like my confidence is sinking day by days.

I feel like i'm alone here, helpless & lalang!

I feel like all this while I have been dependence on others too much than I supposed to be.

I don't have my confidence in expressing my thought, my feeling, my opinion etc

Seriously I am not sure the reason.

I think I knew but I am not sure..see me myself also helpless.

I try not to depend on others as I have this kind of feeling that my closer buddy are not accepting my childish, my bad side, already. I feel like i dont have anyone behind me anymore.

Maybe bcoz I kept this feeling for so long. I think I was left behind, they are matured and they don't want to listen to this petty things anymore.

Oh Allah...

I feel like crying

I feel so scared

I feel so humiliated

I feel so bad

Forgive me ya Allah

Forgive all my bad deeds, bad mind,bad mouth,bad things I have done.

Forgive me ya Allah..so that I will have the strength to fight this back, surely with the strength of Yours.

Forgive me ya Allah

So that I can start all over again

Make me forget & forgive my past that will hold me back for my better future.

Forgive me ya Allah..grant me your blessing & your strength..

Give me a good rest tonight, so that I will be able to wake up as a better person. Life is too short for me to waste it.

Help me being a better me..guide me all the way Ya Allah.

Amin.

Assalamualaikum dunia

#12 Abah

I haven't called Abah yet for this whole week and when I made a called,
"Abah kat rumah. Kaki bengkak dah 3-4  hari. Gout kot.."

Oh my God.
I felt bad. Not knowing it from beginning because I didn't called him like I usually do.
Too occupied with my laziness lately -_-

Abah, I pray for your fast recovery. I pray that you would agreed to mom and go to hospital for further check up.

"Bengkak besaq kepala ecah" -__-

#11 I'm not doing enough

I thought I have given all my best.
I thought I have worked harder.
Reality hit. Deng!
No, I am not doing enough.

I am sad with myself.
I am ashamed of myself.
Yet, nothing much i do since then.

Oh Allah..forgive myself.
Help me being better. I don't want to be a loser at the end of the day.
Guide me through, hold me tight, and lend me Your strength.
Amin.

I want to be better!
I can be better than this!

#10 Am I that weak?

Am I that weak?

Why do I feel like giving up lately?
Few time in just a couple of days..
Oh man..what happened to me?

Am I that weak?

Fail twice, lets get back double!

Fight your MALAS!

Not for others, but for your own good.

My dear, fight this war to the fullest. Show the world what you got. Show them what you can do.

Fighting!!

You are not that weak!

#9 Glasses

I think I need a new glasses.
I think my glasses power has increased, which means my vision is poorer. Sobs!

Oh ya! I forgot to update..
If I got myself a new glasses, this would remarks the third glasses since I left you unattended Shah:

2013-1 (during internship at sg.petani)
2014-1 (lost it, sleepwalking)
2016- most probably 1 (new power)

Hopefully, scholarship coming in early!
I really need a new pair of glasses!
Bye.

#8 Bae wedding

3 April 2016
Bridesmaid on duty yo!
This is my second time being a bridesmaid to my bestfriends. First experienced was in May 2014, Afiqa's wedding.

First time I wore a kurung modern! Haha.. Well, unfashionable is me!
Alright, I would say I love that baju kurung because it is comfortable to wear, not tight but still have the cutting though.
Another good point is, people said I look thinner and taller! Thanks for the magic kurung modern! Hahaha :)

Back to the wedding.
The wedding was so nice despite of super hot weather.
The brides and the grooms (2 couples) were so beautiful and they looks good together!
There were lots of food too!
Many friends attended the wedding.
In one word, "meriah!"

Congrats Jiha and husband. May you both cherish each other till jannah and have a great marriage life ahead!

Overall, another happy day for me!