what's inside the secret box

Dear buddy,

Kebelakangan ini, terasa mcm di awangan…x tahu punca, x tahu mengapa, x tahu kenapa, x tahu 100x….huargh!!!! SGT TERASA KEKOSONGAN…really sgt2…feel very sad about that…but nothing I can change… feel helpless…whats wrong with me??? I couldn’t find the answer…

Am I being too far from Him?

Rarely jemaah…so hard to do that even me myself in the musolla…astaghfirullah..

Longer time not doing the sujud sajadah, ma’thurat etc…

I miss my hostel time soo much…

There are many things I can do there but couldn’t do that when I’m out…am I hypocrite?? Dunno…

“fake it till u make it!!!!”

But…still couldn’t proceed that…

Juz now, my abah called…rasa mcm ckp tnpa perasaan…slaloonya akan rsa excited borak ngan abah…but juz now…huh….

Before this, I don’t want my parent worried about me..but couldn’t hold anymore..and…juz now, termengadu dkt abah yg rasa mcm spirit hlg….abah diam je…pas2 abah ckp…” dh x lma kak long nk blajar…lg berapa taun ja…” abah juz stop there…and I change our topic…I couldn’t….

Feel like crying but zero tears….

Knowing that I shouldn’t do that things but I do…

Too many works but do nothing…

Must study but doing something else…

Presentations…not prepared anything yet…

Exams…also same..

Aigooo………really in trouble but dunno how to tell others…don’t want to burden others but… slow and slow, I’m going to ruined myself…

YA ALLAH….AMPUNI AQ …

HANAY ENGKAU YG MAHA MENGERTI APA YG AQ RASA..

YA ALLAH PEMILIK HATI INI…

SUCIKANLAH HATI INI YA ALLAH

TERANGILAH HATI INI YA AALAH…

BRING ME CLOSED TO YOU BACK YA Allah…

Tenangkan hati ini ya allah DGN RAHMATMU…

JGN BIARKAN HATI INI TERHANYUT YA ALLAH..

ISILAH HATI INI DGN RAHMATMU…AGAMAMU….

YA ALLAH….

BAWALAH AQ KEMBALI KE ASALNYA…

YA ALLAH ENGKAULAH TMPAT AQ MENGADU..NAMUN AQ MALU DGN KEADAANKU INI…

MEMINTA PADAMU NAMUN….ASTAGHFIRULLAH…

AMPUNI AQ YA ALLAH…AMPUNI AQ YA ALLAH…

HANYA PADA ENGKAU AQ SEMBAH, HANYA PADA ENGKAULAH AQ MOHON PERTOLONGAN….

KUATKAN PEGANGANKU,

KUATKAN HATIKU,

KUATKAN SEMANGATKU,

HINDARILAH AQ DR ANASIR2 JAHAT,

TEGARKAN LANGKAHKU,

PERMUDAHKAN SEGALANYA DGN RAHMATMU DAN KUASAMU YA ALLAH…

BIMBINGLAH AQ…..BIMBINGLAH AQ…

JAYAKANLAH AQ, IBU BAPAKU, AHLI KELUARGAKU, GURU-GURUKU, RAKAN-RAKANKU, SERTA UMAT ISLAM…DI DUNIA & AKHIRAT INSYAALLAH…..

REDHAKAN HATIKU DGN KETENTUANMU…..AMIN YA ALLAH….

p/s=) dh called mak..minta maaf...then feel the relief from this kind of pain...
we wouldn't realised if we are wrong towards them untill this kind of feeling face us!
thank you Allah...Alhamdulillah...
=) 20.10.2010