Saturday, August 13, 2016

#13 Throwback

I wrote this on Sabtu, 9/1/16...cant remember what has happened back in that day till i wrote this in my email.

I lost myself again today.
Just 9days of 2016, I think I lost myself.

What a bad day for me..
Idk how to express myself, my frustration..I felt like my confidence is sinking day by days.
I feel like i'm alone here, helpless & lalang!
I feel like all this while I have been dependence on others too much than I supposed to be.
I don't have my confidence in expressing my thought, my feeling, my opinion etc
Seriously I am not sure the reason.
I think I knew but I am not sure..see me myself also helpless.

I try not to depend on others as I have this kind of feeling that my closer buddy are not accepting my childish, my bad side, already. I feel like i dont have anyone behind me anymore.
Maybe bcoz I kept this feeling for so long. I think I was left behind, they are matured and they don't want to listen to this petty things anymore.

Oh Allah...
I feel like crying
I feel so scared
I feel so humiliated
I feel so bad

Forgive me ya Allah
Forgive all my bad deeds, bad mind,bad mouth,bad things I have done.
Forgive me ya that I will have the strength to fight this back, surely with the strength of Yours.
Forgive me ya Allah
So that I can start all over again
Make me forget & forgive my past that will hold me back for my better future.
Forgive me ya Allah..grant me your blessing & your strength..

Give me a good rest tonight, so that I will be able to wake up as a better person. Life is too short for me to waste it.
Help me being a better me all the way Ya Allah.

Assalamualaikum dunia