#19 Twenty Seventeen

Happy new year!
Have a wonderful year ahead everyone!

Hoping for a better year than before and surely a better me (less bitter...hehehe) !

Alhamdulillah 2017 :D

#18 Is it me?

I'm glad you are just doing fine without me. I wish I could tell you how bad I wanted to talk & chat with you, but I know I'm not welcome to do so.

And so, I decided to respect your decision.

Is it me that you are referring to?
Is it me?

#17 I am hurt

I am hurt.
NO!
I hurt her!
Yes, she was hurt by me. Not the other way round.

I am so sorry that I thought I was the one who hurt by your action.
I am so sorry that I dare to believe that I was the victim.
I am so sorry for the things I was not sure when and where things got wrong & we keep hurting each other without knowing both of us have had enough.
I am sorry to tell you that i wanted to stop this sooner but I could not managed to do so by myself because I was coward. Yeah called me coward and I will accept it.

I hate silence treatment the most & yet I'm practicing it to others as well!
Poor me little girl who cant express myself...
Deep sigh... :(

Hoping for a better day & better relationship.

Forgive me as i need it the most.

#16 Persistence

"Don't give up"
"Dont stop. You are about to finish it."
"Dah separuh jalan dah tu"
"Good luck & all the best!"
"You can do it"
"Normal la repeat tu"
"How u doing? Hard meh?"
....
....
....

So many kind people out there. So many supporters out there.

You are not alone!

Continue walking & u'll somewhat reach the finish line.

It is just a matter of time.

Head up Fizah! InsyaaAllah you can do it!

Fighting!!! :)

#15 girlfriend wedding

16.09.16

Tahniah my girl!
Its your big day!
U look so gorgeous today. Extremely gorgeous! :)

This was my third time being a bridesmaid to my girlfriends & I was happy to serve them during their big days!

Congrats buddy :)
May u have a great marriage life ahead :)

#14

I have something in my mind today, so let's talk about it.

Confused.
Some people tend to not understand what am I saying or explaining to them. Even if I already repeating my words few times! I feel bad. Really bad. When people can't understand my explanation. -_-

I have the tendency of constructing my words in my head in such a way that I thought it would be easier for others to understand it. Thus, I felt real bad when people don't get it.

I know I couldn't make all people understand mine because we are all unique in our own ways.

I tend to be in silence mode when i feel bad nowadays. I will keep my mouth shut. Better than I said something that might hurt others, especially the ones I love.

Thus, if u caught me being silence out of blue, just be there & don't bother me until I get over my bad feeling. It will took me for a while, but all will be good after that insyaaallah.
It is just a part of my new habit.
Hope u don't mind it.
Sorry & thanks.

Fi hifzillah & take care :)

#13 Throwback

I wrote this on Sabtu, 9/1/16...cant remember what has happened back in that day till i wrote this in my email.

I lost myself again today.

Just 9days of 2016, I think I lost myself.

What a bad day for me..

Idk how to express myself, my frustration..I felt like my confidence is sinking day by days.

I feel like i'm alone here, helpless & lalang!

I feel like all this while I have been dependence on others too much than I supposed to be.

I don't have my confidence in expressing my thought, my feeling, my opinion etc

Seriously I am not sure the reason.

I think I knew but I am not sure..see me myself also helpless.

I try not to depend on others as I have this kind of feeling that my closer buddy are not accepting my childish, my bad side, already. I feel like i dont have anyone behind me anymore.

Maybe bcoz I kept this feeling for so long. I think I was left behind, they are matured and they don't want to listen to this petty things anymore.

Oh Allah...

I feel like crying

I feel so scared

I feel so humiliated

I feel so bad

Forgive me ya Allah

Forgive all my bad deeds, bad mind,bad mouth,bad things I have done.

Forgive me ya Allah..so that I will have the strength to fight this back, surely with the strength of Yours.

Forgive me ya Allah

So that I can start all over again

Make me forget & forgive my past that will hold me back for my better future.

Forgive me ya Allah..grant me your blessing & your strength..

Give me a good rest tonight, so that I will be able to wake up as a better person. Life is too short for me to waste it.

Help me being a better me..guide me all the way Ya Allah.

Amin.

Assalamualaikum dunia